Today..

was not a good day. The amount of pain I am in right now is unbelievable. Tears have rolled down my face so many times just because of what I am feeling right now. How much of this can I take?

I saw my gastroenterologist today. That drive from Palo Alto to San Leandro had me sweating bullets. I had to go to the bathroom so bad. And the cramps that I was enduring was worse, but luckily I made it there in time and had a few minutes to spare to use the bathroom.

My gastroenterologist has decided to put me on a longer taper for the prednisone. I started on an 8 week taper, and now I’m starting a 12 week taper. That’s another 12 weeks of prednisone. The side effects aren’t too bad, minus the mood swings. This is doing a number on my anxiety and depression. It doesn’t help that I am also spending majority of my time in bed. I need to go out. I need to leave. Have more time with my friends. Do something. Anything! But at the same time I just can’t or don’t want to. I don’t feel well majority of my day. And frankly, I just don’t have the energy for it. My gastroenterologist also added another enema to my handful of meds.

She said if I don’t start to feel better she’s going to admit me into the hospital so they can treat me there and I don’t want that. So hopefully this route works.

I really need to talk to my supervisor at work and see what they can do about work cause if I can’t get my accommodations approved, I will have to take a medical leave. I just can’t worry about going into work when my health is more important.

I just need to focus on getting better, especially for this weekend. My little sister is getting married and I can’t miss this. So fingers crossed! And I also have México in a couple of weeks and I can’t cancel that. I am really nervous about that because what if I don’t feel well? I don’t want to be a big party pooper while I am there since we will be there with T and his family celebrating his grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

Baby steps, Gloriene. I just need to focus on right now and getting better now. Right?

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