Don’t go to work.
I haven’t been at work in 3 weeks and to be honest, I don’t know if I am ready (emotionally and mentally). The thought about work stresses me out especially knowing the drama and bullshit that is currently going on.
I can already feel my body temperature rise and my heart race just thinking about it. A part of me is a bit upset that here I am trying to make sure my body is taking the proper time to heal itself and yet I still can’t escape from work. Le sigh. But at the same time, I shouldn’t complain. I do have a great job. I work for an awesome guy and I have a good team (minus one person who can fuck right off) and I get paid well. But damn, can I just get better without having to worry about work? And what I learned is that stress is a damn trigger for my tummy to start acting up.
For example, Saturday was a busy day for me. It didn’t help that I had about 3 hours of sleep the night before. As soon as I got up in the morning and knowing what kind of day I had planned my stomach started acting up. Saturday alone I had about 12 bowel movements and they were not fun at all. Let’s just say I damn near almost shit myself on my way to San Jose. Well, when you have Ulcerative Colitis, sometimes shit happens, OK.
Anyways, good news: I didn’t shit myself. And I was able to make it to the bathroom each time I had to go on Saturday.
By my point is, stress is definitely a trigger for me and I need to find better ways to unwind and clear my head. People keep suggesting meditation, but I just can’t get into it. Clearing out my thoughts are so hard. I’ve always been this way. It also does not help that I can’t sleep at night. I’m still averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep. I’m falling asleep past midnight and I wake up about 1-2x during the night to use the bathroom. And by 4am I am wide awake so I just lay there in bed and on my phone looking at Disney Fantasy Pins (which will need to be another blog post on its own haha).
Since I am here, I might as well give you an update on my symptoms and what I’ve been doing to get better. I’ve been keeping a “Food & Poop Journal” where I record everything I eat, my medication, and all my bowel movements or attempts at a bowel movement. As far as the food goes, I only record what I eat/drink and not like calories, macros, etc. I don’t have time for all that. As far as my bowel movements go, I record the time; if it is formed or not; color; any blood; any pain; etc. My journal does help me when something changes in my bowel movement, so I can see what I possibly ate to make my bowels do whatever it did. Hahaha.
More good news: I’ve gained 10 lbs! Maybe it helps that I’m not having diarrhea 20 times a day anymore haha. But I’ve been eating more meals throughout the day, as well as incorporating supplemental drinks (like Ensure Clear) with every meal. So I am no longer 112 lbs and I am back up to 122. Got 15 lbs more to get back to my pre-flare weight. I’ve been eating breakfast everyday, which means I need to make sure I stick to that routine when I go back to work especially since I am still taking medicine. My gastroenterologist said I can start adding more fiber to my diet, which is exciting cause I miss my salads, cucumbers, nuts, and beans haha! I told myself that I’ll stick to eating my seafood (salmon and shrimp and tuna) and every now and then I’ll have chicken. I haven’t been eating much red meat just because I never feel all that great after eating it… but I love In N Out and Korean BBQ and Hot Pot. But how I feel after eating Gen and Hot Pot is never the best feeling, so those foods will have to wait.
Now that I added some weight back on my body and I am looking less like a skeleton, I need to start working out again. I haven’t been to the gym in about 2 months, so I need to gain the muscle and any strength I once had back. When you have issues trying to open a water bottle, you know you’re weak! Good thing I still have 20 sessions left with my trainer so hopefully I get back to where I was plus more in no time! Of course I won’t just over work myself. Gotta take baby steps!
I just downloaded a new app called Sleep Watch to help monitor my sleep with my AppleWatch. I figured this will give me a better reading of how I am sleeping at night. As mentioned earlier, I average about 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I just have a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. If I don’t get up to use the restroom, I just wake up because I’m running too hot, or I am uncomfortable, or I just wake up and I can’t fall asleep. Hopefully, this is all just a side effect to the prednisone and once I am off it (which is in 7 weeks) I can finally sleep “normally” again.
Tomorrow is my next infusion. I’ll have to go into Kaiser and I’ll be there for a couple of hours. What should I bring with me to keep me entertained? Any suggestions? I’ll probably bring my laptop and do one of my drawing classes that I signed up for in Udemy. Yes, I signed up for drawing classes. I figured, I might as well take up a new hobby. I’ll also bring my Nintendo Switch with me. Hopefully it goes by fast.
Anyways, I’ll end this post here. I’ll try to blog more often cause why not? I need an outlet.