Let’s not do that again.

Probably the scariest things I have ever gone through.

Today started like any other normal day. I got up, got ready, had breakfast, ordered my coffee, went to Peet’s, and made my way to work. It was a normal work day.

I jumped on my 9am conference call and immediately felt something weird. “Did I just pee a little?” I felt like a little rush and thought that was weird, but continued on with my call. After my call I worked a little bit longer at my desk and then “Am I not holding in my bladder??” So I rush to the bathroom, while still feeling this “rushing” feeling. Am I literally pissing myself? I got into the first stall and the moment I pulled down my pants I knew something was wrong.

It looked like a crime scene. I was bleeding so much. There was blood everywhere. My underwear was soaked, my pants were soaked. I had blood down my leg. On the floor. All around the toilet. I’m sitting there panicking while trying to clean everything up. And then I see a huge clot of blood come out. It was the size of a lemon. It just came out. I’m still bleeding and I have no idea what to do. I frantically start cleaning up the mess I made. “I need to get to the hospital!” All I have was toilet paper so I’m trying so hard to clean the mess. I clean it to the best I could and I run back to the office. I call Taylor in a panic and crying. Probably not the best way to wake up your husband. I put my laptop in my desk and lock it up. Grabbed my backpack and told Nyesha I had an emergency and had to go. I get to my car and I call Taylor. I really didn’t know what to do. He told me to drive to Kaiser.

I call Kaiser and finally someone connects me to OBGYN. They tell me to come in and see an OBGYN at 3:15, but if my bleeding gets worse to go to the ER. I’m literally so scared. I’m crying. I have no idea what the fuck is happening. I’m soaked in blood. I have no idea what to think because of that huge clot that came out of me. What. The. Fuck.

I get home and Taylor gives me a hug. I get into the shower to rinse the blood off me. I get into comfy clothes and crawl into bed. I’m crying cause I really don’t know what to think or do. 5 more hours until my appointment. Taylor cuddles me and reassures me everything will be OK. He says, “To give you peace of mind, let’s go to the ER. You’ll be laying her for 5 hours worrying or you can find out in the ER.”

So he drives me to Kaiser. They won’t let him into the ER. Patients only thanks to COVID. I check myself in. They find me a bed and let me change into a gown. The nurse takes a few vitals and then the doctor comes in and I explain to them what’s going on. They get the ultrasound machine and do an abdominal scan. I have no idea what I’m looking at on the screen so I start tearing up. Doctor says, “I want to show you something.” I look. “Here’s baby. Baby looks fine.” *points to the screen* “You can see its heartbeat.” Tells me so far everything looks OK and that he’s going to order a few lab tests. Lab tech comes in and takes a few vials of blood and my urine sample. After what feels like forever, Doctor comes back with results. Everything is fine, but I should still see the OBGYN at 3:15 to make sure. I’m discharged.

Taylor is still in the parking lot. We go home. We eat. We nap. We go back to Kaiser. Patients only so he finds parking. I go in. I wait a bit. Nurse comes in and takes my weight. I explain to her what happened. Says we are going to do an transvaginal exam. Undress from the waist down and the doctor will be right in.

Dr. G comes in and explains bleeding is normal but with the amount of blood and the size of the clots she’ll need to do an examine and ultrasound. Pelvic exam is fine.

Ultrasound starts. First thing that comes out “Oh you have a happy baby!” I open my eyes and look at the screen. Baby is moving around. She asks how far along I am. 13 weeks. “Yes! Baby is measuring in at 13 weeks. That’s great!” She measures the heartbeat. “Strong heartbeat! 150 bpm!” She lets me listen. Hearing that for the first time was amazing. Such a relief to hear. She looks around some more. “Cervix looks normal. Good!” Looks around some more. “You still have bleeding and you have a few more clots to pass.” Shows me on the screen. This was probably caused by my uterus growing and blood vessels bursting. I need to monitor the bleeding. I need bed rest. I just need to rest. She printed my pictures handed it to me.

I never ever want to experience that again. That was one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. I felt so helpless and I really didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m glad BB is doing well.

One thought on “Let’s not do that again.

  1. Pregnancy is so hard. I lost 2 babies previously and I was spotting my whole first trimester with Tums. They told me it was normal but there were a few times I’d bleed lightly and once after sex I bled like period heavy.

    They said that the walls are filled with blood because of baby and that it’ll bleed. To not have sex for a few weeks to make sure.

    But the whole pregnancy I was terrified. I was convinced something would go wrong. It’s so scary when you can’t tell what’s happening because you can’t see it.

    Wishing you all the love and luck I can. Take it easy, rest, try to minimize stress if you catch yourself stressing.


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