I’m exhausted.

I feel like that’s an understatement. I am beat. I’m tired. Almost everyday I’d rather just stay in bed and not do anything.

I just want to sleep a full night… I haven’t had more than 5 hours in months. I just want to be able to move around without being in pain. I want to walk without having to waddle around because my belly is too heavy and my pelvis hurts. I want to not feel like I just ran a marathon. I want to be able To get up in my own. I want to walk across the apartment without getting winded and having to catch my breath.

I am constantly thinking about what needs to be done. My checklists. Do I have everything for BB? What else do I need to prep? What can I clean? On top of that I have work… and work is always just the icing on the cake. Work has been stressing me the fuck out and I don’t think they understand how much stress and how much this is taking on me.

My anxiety is getting the best of me. I am in constant fear when I hear an alert on my phone. What do they need me to do? Who is emailing me?

I need a break. I feel like I’m going to break and I can’t. I still have 6 weeks. I need to get my shit together before BB comes because after he comes I need to be in the right mindset to be able to take care of him and me.

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